Dating Site Creation

I am a dating site member, not on purpose, but I am nevertheless. They have the ridiculous quizzes I like to take and from lack of observance, I joined it for the quizzes only to find out later, it's a dating site. My response, by way of my public profile, was the following. Enjoy........

My self summary:

I like long walks at the city landfill, which is best only on a hot, sweltering summer day, when the smell is in the air. It's especially desirable just after a pouring rain. I absolutely adore overly sensitive, menacingly serious about their perfect match, fun Nazi's who would prefer a woman to be reticent, docile and overall subservient to his every whim: a dame much like myself.

The following choices are amongst my most treasured introductions upon the opening of the heartfelt messages I eagerly await.

1. You're hot.
2. When am I taking you out?
3. Omg, please tell me your hair is long.
4. I usually only date blonds, but for you, I'll make an exception.
5. You can ride me if you like.
6. Your sarcastic profile was fun to read, but I think it might be a little too abrasive.
7. The ever bitter and lack of discernment, "I cant imagine why you're single."
8. OMG! Please tell me you have a tractor beam vagina!
9. Well your profile certainly is hateful and it makes you appear like a stupid person.
10. So, you are a midget?
11. Hey sexy . You there. I got something for you!-)
12. You going to chat with me? I was to get you in the sack! You up for it?
13. Here's a tip: Men want to feel needed. They don't want a sarcastic, aloof child.
14. I want a mutual addiction of body and flesh and of course to have my way with you.

My ideal match is a man who loves to check himself in the mirror all day, has more muscle mass than brain matter, and only has one single photo of his flexed bicep (chest will also suffice). I expect any man'o'mine to require an immediate agglomeration of progeny. My hips were only created to birth your offspring, after all, and I desire only to be the bearer of a stalwart boy to carry on the inescapable carnal prowess of his forefathers.

What I'm doing with my life:

Waiting for the above to message me you beastly stallion you. There's only so many house duties to take care of in the little 24 hours a day I have to prepare your dominion for your arrival. Those empty 3 hours are restless in my anticipation for my eternal adulation of your sway.

I'm really good at:

very few things, so I'll simply list them so as to prevent you from tireless drivel.
Relinquishing independence, compliance, obedience, silence and, of course, capitulation.

The first things people usually notice about me:

Notice me? Now that's just laughable, darlin. Why would they go and do such a foolish thing as that? My only concern is your utmost sovereignty.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food:

Books:

- The True Submission of Wifely Requirements
- How to Attract a Douche Bag
- Playing Coy: How to Master Mind Games - Amateur Edition
- Nabbing Your Bread-winning Man: 10 Easy Steps to Ensure You'll Never Have to be Independent Again
- How to Fake Sincere and Kind: A Gals Guide to Her Sensitive Man

Movies:

- Kitchenwives
- I Need to be Needed
- I'm Incomplete Without You
- You Showed Me the Best Night of My Life

Music:

Perhaps, in light of my failure to produce this evenings spread in a timely manner, you'd prefer I held the turntable stylus in place with my teeth, as I know you despise your record needlessly skipping due to my careless dusting, and this is your favorite method of my compliance education.

Food:

How can I possibly have time to discover my favorite foods? As I've stated, I'm only beginning to learn the proper preparation for YOUR food. Until I've got it down perfect, I'm afraid I have nothing further to speak on this matter.

The 6 things I could never do without:

Dependency.
Arrogance.
Flippancy.
Dominance.
Provocation.
Malakas.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

the man who will come sweep me off my feet and rescue me from this mundane life of independence and individuality. I do fully discern that I must mold myself into an undeniably transparent dolt if I wish to attract the perfect man. I know there's no foolish time wasted by such a hearty embodiment of a real man like you, on figuring out the alleged complexities of such a fragile beings mind.

On occasion, I look at my few OKC awards and ponder why anyone with half a lick of common sense would ever find me deserving of such a thing. I'm hesitant to accept most, as I am merely a woman and there are far more deserving men here that should rightfully be awarded. No need to award me for such nonsensical rambling.

On a typical Friday night I am:

Enjoying my weekly dialogue with Aunt Grettle of the weeks happenings and the crucial improvements to be made.

I do vastly appreciate her advice, as she is the world's foremost expert on felicitous woman conduct. I eagerly write down every word for reference in hopes that one day I will be a suitable bride.

Her greatest advice yet is to never utter a single thought of my own in the presence of any man, if I wish to allure a suitor. I've told her on innumerable occasions, her enlightenment would be deeply advantageous to matrons far and wide supposing that she wrote a book. She would never conceive of doing so, seeing as it does not abide by the very advice she's imparting. A becoming wife has no valid information to disclose.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit:

Deep down, I overly concern myself with the tone in which I portray myself. I know, as a man, your opinion of me is the only thing in this world that keeps the sun rising every morning. Without it, I would surely fade to nothing more than a forsaken, abhorrent shell of an existence.

You should message me if:

If every moment of every day, you require constant interaction from me to prove you are needed; if you can't bear the thought of not hearing my soothing voice, or reading my loving messages beyond a grueling hour; if you count the hours since our last words, then please, message me to your hearts content.

In the absence of my immediate response, I encourage you to continue sending me a reminder to do so. I only ask you send a bare minimum of 19 reminders, every hour, on the hour, until I've given you your answer. I would like to also politely request your utter contempt, open hostility, belittlement and berating in your reminders, as they are the only surefire methods of ensuring
compliance.